growth is painful, even moreso when it is self inflicted

I have been dealing with my own maturity level lately. I am slowly learning what it is like to be a single person. Sometimes it is a joy to be alone, sometimes it is difficult. I have some very special friends in my life, and they are there for me when I am at my lowest.  I have a particular friend that I rely on heavily, and sometimes I demand his attention when he has issues of his own to deal with. I have made myself some rules, such as they are, and they are meant to help me be alone and thus reduce my reliance on him. I value his advice and I know that if I continue my random histrionics, I will lose my strongest ally. To have that happen would solely be caused by my words and actions. Mine alone. I've never had such a friend, and I believe neither has he. It is true friendship, something I may have had from time to time, but never like this. Never this depth of compassion, the almost palpable waves of empathy that bathe me in reassurance and love.

It hasn't always been this way.

We used to be able to do so many things together, we had so many ways to work together. We could both be washing the car in a self serve booth and whoever had the hose never got the other one wet. We camped. We lived in a van for 3 months. We were electricians together. We ran a business together. We sailed an awesome boat in some pretty big waters. 

Sometimes my heart says ... really? is this how it ends? ... really?

Over thirty three years together ends. And I'm the one that pulled the trigger. Pulled the pin. Left.

But every time I see him since then, I've had reinforcement in one way or another that I made the right move. 
He bought a used pickup truck on a Saturday. The following Monday he had to be in Denver for two weeks. So it has sat in a public parking lot with no legal plates on it, although it is insured and FSO has the title. Anyway, when FSO got back from Denver there were three parking tickets.."No Overnight Parking" even though there had been many occasions where we'd left both the family car and my antique car overnight for weeks...So he asked me if there would be time for me to call and try to make the tickets go away.
wtf. isn't this what i've been saying all along? Can't you do this for yourself?